If you are me, you are writing at three thirty in the morning. Yard sale looming just hours away, signs not done because you left the markers at the neighbors house....What do you do at three thirty in the morning?
I really should be sleeping. I am thinking though of this evenings earlier phone conversations.
I posed a question...."What then, after that?" It's nice to know that at least the first steps are in place to forgiveness. I have left the door open and we shall see. I am wondering if I need to be forgiven as well. I did react and showed my hurt....I spoke some truths, at least from my side.
There is always more than one side to a story but without communication, all we can do is piece together our own truth as we see it. If it is not accurate, is it our fault? In a way, yes.
For a while, silence worked. Silence is actually a sweet thing when shared with someone. You can sit in silence together, on a phone, hear their breath and feel them. If you can do this, then forgiveness should be easy.
Humility comes into play in forgiveness. One must be humble to appreciate the beautiful silence that is shared between two. One must be patient to sit and wait for the silence.
That leads me to my next thought, since I have already been impatient I know the first thing I must ask forgiveness for. Second, I must ask forgiveness for acting out of hurt. We do this all the time so you may be wondering why this is a concern of mine.
I once had someone say to me "Don't mistake love for feelings that have gone unchecked." In this case, I need to be forgiven and forgive myself for unchecked emotions~hurt which resulted in anger.
Luckily, as I have taken back control of my life the anger has subsided. Knowing I have done this on my own is satisfying to an extent. Asking for help and accepting help have always been a bit foreign to me. I am, after all still a work in progress. I figure I have another forty years or so left before I am complete.
Blessings to all,
aka Abigail The Wall Flower